Ceal got to catch up with Karma Houston, personal trainer for mums on the Brekky Boost this morning. If you missed it, you can listen to the full interview here!
It’s 9:08 am and I have just finished scouring my daughter’s head for lice, talked my pre-schooler out of playing with staples, convinced the lice-daughter that she cannot have scones for breakfast AND lunch and then re-visited the staple situation. I didn’t sleep well. A cold has found me and I am almost 41 weeks with our third. I look at my calendar dates for April (It’s the beginning of March) and wonder if I will still be pregnant.
Two days ago, I wasn’t doing well. My husband had come in to our room and I was a sopping mess on the bed.
“I just don’t get it,” I’d whined. “What could possibly be the reason for God keeping him in this long? And why lice now? It is just TOO MUCH.” He’d sat down next to me, gently patted my arm and said he was sorry. There was nothing he could say to comfort me – I was already too deep in self-pity.
My friends and family are empathetic and I am constantly receiving texts from people who are praying for me, waiting with me and encouraging me. I even have REAL help. My dad decided to drop his life for a month to come and cook, take care of children and do laundry like an indentured servant. I don’t really want to think about what kind of mess I would be without him here.
So why am I so discouraged?
Because I am MAD. Like toddler-mad.
I am irritated that my child has not come on time. I am annoyed that we have battled every illness and infestation known to school-aged children in the last month. I am terrified that I will be without any help by the time this child decides to make an appearance.
It doesn’t FEEL fair.
I’m able to squeeze in a fair bit of bible reading during my day, thanks to my father and Netflix. And God has been LOUD. He keeps saying things like have faith, be strong, wait on me, don’t give up, be persistent. Last night, he told me to find the joy in the trials – that all things that are hard can produce fruit. Irritating pieces of sand become pearls. Storms bring swells of fish. Fire brings new life to soil. Trials are meant to produce strength. Suffering can produce joy.
*cue teenager eye roll*
I bet you’re already annoyed with me.
How dare I complain when there is life in my womb and life in my house? How many others are suffering with the burden of injustice, war, famine, real disease, infertility and abuse? In the scope of the world, how do my sufferings compare? Well, they don’t.
But does that mean it isn’t hard or that God doesn’t care?
Which is why God hasn’t given up on me. It’s why every verse, every day I have heard His voice, pushing me to believe in Him and to be encouraged. It’s why, in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep and my back throbs from my heavy burden, He is there, drawing me into His big wings that are large enough for all of us.
My daughter and I were discussing birds of prey the other day. Their wingspans are large, intimidating and big enough to cover their young. But their eyes are sharp, acute and they can spot even the smallest creature on the ground from high above.
Our God is enough to cover the big things, yet his eyes are sharp enough to see the insignificant. It doesn’t matter what we face, He’s enough for all of it or the small of it. While the world looks at what I face as a drop in the bucket, He sees me for all that I am and all He created me to be. He still cares and still hopes and still trusts in me.
Even though I haven’t had breakfast yet, I am doing better today. After cleaning out lice, I looked at my burgeoning belly in the mirror and giggled. Scars yawn over my skin that is being stretched with life. I know I’m blessed. I know this is what I signed up for. I know every day in motherhood and life in general, is just plain hard.
Don’t give up. Don’t run from God. Don’t think He has forgotten you. His eyes are always searching and when He finds the injured, His pace quickens; His wings beat hard and He comes to cover.
“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7